she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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