You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
