he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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