We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
