Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
