I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
