hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
