bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
