how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
