I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
