Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
