I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
