I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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