Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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