i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
