It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
