So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
