dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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