We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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