i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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