dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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