so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
