My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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