3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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