I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He told me they were just razor bumps!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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