1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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