i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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