I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
