Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
