Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
