sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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