i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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