Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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