Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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