My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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