Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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