I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
