Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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