What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
