is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
