Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
