i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
