Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
