This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
