We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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