He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
