non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
