I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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