don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
