So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
