I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
